30 Days Of Microdosing With Homegrown Psychedelic Mushrooms: Part IV
[Reading time: Slightly longer than an on-the-toilet-instagram-scrol, but you’re almost there]
*by now your reading time has probably picked up.
The red pill you kinda know you need…
Getting back to ‘How will you know it’s not the sober living that is making you feel this good? Fair point, how would I know? In hindsight, I could not have known until much later how the psilocybin affected me. Looking back at it almost two years later, I’m confident enough to state that psilocybin has changed my life for the better, transforming the way I think and feel. I looked into stacking other mushrooms and adaptogens beforehand, but I figured the first time around I would stick to just my Psilocybe Mexicana (flesh of the gods). I also wasn’t supplementing anything else besides whey, creatine and glutamine during the cycle, and these I never took during my morning routine.
I kept my morning routine the same, but I added space for journaling. I also made sure I wasn’t rushing everything, actually allocating enough time to get it all done; wake up my body, practice, gratitude, take a cold shower, microdose, journal, meditate, move & stretch (trust me this can be done in 30-45 min if you stay offline). I took my microdose on an empty stomach and waited.
I stared at my hand, at the label on the bag of coffee beans, at my desk plant, nothing happened…
No shit you might think, it’s a microdose, it should not be causing any hallucinations. Secretly I may have been expecting something, but I got on with my day and didn’t think anything of it. Back to ‘I am so busy and have so much to do’.
It wasn’t until later that afternoon, biking home through Vondelpark after teaching a pilates class, that I noticed a difference: my bitchy train of thought got rudely interrupted by nature. All of a sudden I noticed where I was biking, surrounded by these huge beautiful blooming trees. For the first time in a long time I appreciated the beauty of the park, and realised how lucky I was to commute through it on a daily basis. I felt connected, like I was part of nature. Just like that the urgency of my busy-busy to-do list evaporated and it kind of put me at ease.
I can only describe this unexplainable burst of joy as a sigh of bliss that puts you in the present moment. Just like that, a lot of my worries, the ones I had no control over and did not have deal with at that moment, evaporated like clouds on a sunny day. Realising what was happening made this first time feel like a magical experience. Not all microdosing days were like this, but many did seem to bring an extra dose of joy and contentment.
If there’s a need, will there be a dependency?
Now to the question I often get: doesn’t microdosing just create another dependency?
Research has shown that functional connectivity in the brain stays expanded after the psilocybin wears off. This adaptive rewiring allows you to access new and interesting ideas after the psychoactive substance wears off. Don’t forget about the ‘micro in microdosing’, all effects should be noticeable on a micro level. Some people can probably create a dependency for microdosing, however this is more connected to personality types than the active compound itself. If you're in need of an outside source to ‘fix your life’ you might benefit more from other internal work (read therapy). Also, this is what cycling on and off is for. On days you’re not microdosing you stick to those healthy habits of a morning routine, and you’ll still reap the benefits.
Micro mistake, Macro consequence ??
I experimented with the dosage slightly, but between .12-.15 gr. is the sweet spot. The .20 gr. dosage I tried didn’t disappoint, however it did make it a little harder to not get distracted by the cute barista while being on a coffee date. My internal dialogue did freak out for a minute; could anyone tell? Am I high? I shrugged it off. Definitely not high… Not sober either though.
At least my day was relatively easy, no major meetings that morning so eat something and settle back into my routines.
In combination with caffeine I would say .20 is a bit on the high side if you’re looking to start microdosing. Taking the .20 made me feel great, but it also heightened all my feelings, including caffeine jitters, minor anxiety, sense of connection and the moistness of a glass of water.
To someone who has never experienced hallucinogenic or psychoactive substances, the feeling of a microdose can best be described as the high of a shot of espresso with a hint of red-wine-chill. Although the effects differ from person to person and your current state of mind, you can expect to feel focussed yet light-hearted. I figured I would keep the .20 as they would make for a good fun dose, which occasionally came in handy.
I tried to not psych myself out, as I was blown away by the positive effects I was noticing in the day to day, even on days I wasn't microdosing. The rest of the cycle went pretty smooth and overall my mood was upbeat but steady. During the 30 days of microdosing I managed to finetune the process: I read up on different ways of cycling, timing, adaptogen stacks and how to implement psilocybin for the best results. It turns out you can have a really great workout on a microdose as well.
Depression, anxiety and misery.
Although I said that a microdose isn’t some magical pill that sorts your problems, in some ways it might actually be just that. This first cycle, about two years ago, really set in motion the potential of psychedelics. While it’s a powerful and fun drug, it also served as a very important solution to some of my problems. I am not giving medical advice, I am merely sharing my personal experience, something that might be beneficial when say, medical advice has a waiting list for over 7 months.
Over a year ago I was going through a bad patch in life, something I can now only describe as a depression of some sorts. I felt like I wasn't making progress, was behind in life on all fronts, feeling insecure and stuck. We may all be experiencing these feelings, for me it eventually resulted in some severe insomnia, which even the Tamezepan prescription couldn't fix. After a while I didn’t see a way out, causing me to spiral into a full depression. Although this wasn’t anyone’s fault, it felt like my own, as I was not making decisions that were serving me at the time.
While I tried to go about it the traditional way, from GP to Psychologist, I ended up going down a more ‘Help-Self’ kind of path. Luckily I wasn’t sick enough to get admitted to the psych ward and I wasn’t suicidal enough to qualify for emergency care. And although I never felt suicidal, I did genuinely began to wonder why I was even alive. When you’re in the midst of a depression, your thoughts can start spiralling. At that point it does not matter how privileged you are, because your brain is stuck in a loop it doesn't know how to get out of.
I reached out to about 28 practices, only to get submitted for a five month waiting list by three. There was a private practice with availability, but just breaking even monthly, did not allow me to cover the €280 sessions. I signed up for emergency sessions at a sleep therapy practice, for which I only had to wait 4 to 5 weeks and that got covered by health insurance for about 50%.
Nature’s version of antidepressants…
While on the waiting list someone asked me if it wasn’t time I started considering antidepressants. Hurt, scared and a little shocked I let the idea sink in, only to find out, even that takes a medical professional. I wanted to reach out to people close to me, however I did not know how: how could I, living my privileged life with all its benefits and freedom, be so down and out? I felt I didn’t have any right to complain or feel the way I did, nor did I have the capacity to differentiate feeling from reality.
At the time a friend asked me why I didn’t just start microdosing again, as I seemed to be doing well when I did. It had not crossed my mind. Then it hit me, I read so much about Psilocybin being used in trials to treat anxiety, depression and PTSD. I was so clouded by misery that I had forgotten all about my microdoses. I started a new cycle of 30 days of microdosing, which lifted the first layer of clouds. This, in combination with 4 months sober living, a lot of self reflection and therapy did really get me out from under.
Microdosing has become part of my lifestyle, though not on a consistent basis: I opt to go for a cycle about every quarter or when I notice that my thinking patterns are starting to go in circles. I skip microdosing months when I know I have a big “trip” planned. Whenever I am not cycling but feel like a creativity boost, I might also opt to have the odd day of microdosing. I know apples aren’t oranges, but have you ever taken two paracetamols just in case, or that nightcap to fall asleep faster? Shouldn’t you then at least consider opening your mind to the possibility that there is a supplement that could open you up to a new way of thinking?
