30 Dates In 30 Days: Part I
[Reading time 3 minutes]
*depending on how often you read I guess
I went on 30 dates in 30 days and didn’t even get laid.
Thank fck for the rules.
Now you might think; that’s so funny/horrible. And you’re not wrong. What started as a great idea, turned out to be a full-time job. Admittedly, I didn’t think it through as much as I should have. I tend to learn best through trial and error though. Enthusiastically I dove straight into swiping mode, followed by some strategic time management.
Going on 30 dates in 30 days has taught me a lot about dating, and how I was in fact not very direct, but mostly just blunt. This project has been shelved for about two years, due to life events, fear of failure and my procrastination demon.* My communication and writing skills have come a long way since then. Here are 9 key takeaways:
Appearance and charisma are on different frequencies and often don’t translate accurately from screen to real life.
Guys do not seem to think that girls do actually know what 1.85/6.2 ft looks like (and no, it’s not just about height, but lying about it sure is pointless).
Having standards does not make you picky, but filtering on height really limits your dating pool.
Being beautiful often does not create the urgency for character building, if you’re swiping solely on looks don’t expect great depth on a first date.
In fact, having zero expectations just makes it easier and more fun.
You can in fact have zero expectations and at the same time know what you want and not settle for less (maybe don’t ask for it all on the first date though).
Everyone will most likely look like their second worst photo.
Be on time, don’t be a dick and ask good questions.
Just go on that date, nothing is gonna happen from your couch. Besides, what’s the worst that could happen?
* This life-experiment took place during covid and
I landed the first date right after the end of the first lockdown.
30 Day Habit
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30 Day Habit ................................................................................
Mid pandemic, I decided to quit my (emotionally draining and slightly toxic-fixed-contract) job to start my career as a freelance writer. I had been postponing this “Eat shit, I quit” moment for over a year, until one day I had enough. Now, living in Amsterdam did mean paying too much rent. So, I turned my part time hobby as a fitness instructor into a full time gig. There lay my window: three weeks till gyms reopened and two weeks of holiday left in my old job. Armed with a half-assed strategy I started downloading all semi decent dating apps and got to it. *Context disclaimer: I do not recommend this experiment unless well prepared. I had been sitting on this idea for a bit, but had no time to execute it.
Get swiping loser, we’re going dating.
Not my first time at the rodeo, but I was hoping that didn’t mean I had already gone through the good ones. To keep things interesting, the parameters had to be wide and flexible; within biking or public transportation range and legal yet not too gross…
My go to apps had been Bumble and Hinge, but I added Inner circle, Happen and last and least Tinder for variety. Key to finding a date? A decent profile, with some words to accompany your pictures. Sounds obvious, yet not everyone has figured it out. I’m no model but hot enough to score some dates, however 30 dates in 30 days did require me to get a bit more flexible with my standards. Setting up the bio was the hard part. If I nailed this, the experiment might actually bear some results. I was going for funny, fearless, fit and dare I say intelligent (enough). Add some Led Zeppelin, Lou Reed and Dire Straits to the music variation to scare off the most basic boys. Selecting my pictures was relatively easy: loads of smiles, a little bit of skin and some variation in scenery. A relatively honest description of my then current state of being:
‘I am probably not the friend that would start the riot, but would definitely be rounding on the crowds. A little restless, direct and intense, always up for a joke or adventure so hardly ever a dull moment. Kind of like a joy-ride into speed dating: five for the price of one.’
What would my perfect date look like? Going on rollercoasters in an empty theme park, or drinking a margarita while eating my weight in taco’s. But, let’s not forget about that rent situation. I would have to settle for grabbing a drink or a coffee to go. Why did I do this again? The funny-haha part of the experiment started to seem like a lot of work, but I had been single for a while, so why not. Though, did I actually want to find someone? I am of the opinion you don’t find love by looking for it, it somehow always just seems to find you when it’s inconvenient. I zealously started swiping, worked on my opening lines and chatted for a few hours until I slowly felt my soul departing my body. I needed a strategy to actually be able to make it through 30 dates.
Up next: Already making out on date one… What about those rules?
