9 Swiping Rules That Should Be Common Sense (but which you are ignoring).
In a time where attention span rates are drastically dropping, and where our senses are in a constant overload, what should we be focussing on when it comes to online dating? I’ve outlined some guidelines to help prevent senseless swiping sessions, spiralling you onto procrastination-station. Something that I have caught myself doing, even during super busy days, as I justified it as a ‘investment in self’ kind of habit.
Although it all starts with setting your intentions and knowing what you want, relying solely on your cerebral cortex to make responsible dating decisions might still lead you astray. It’s kind of like going grocery shopping hungry and without a list; there’s only a handful of people that actually end up having the required amount of self-restraint. Mind you when swiping for your future love interest, your ego might also take charge of the situation, leading you down the path of foreseen complications with a high level of emotional unavailability… So let me spell out 9 Swiping Rules That Should Be Common Sense, to keep you on track.
01. Set a timer & schedule your swiping time
You’ve been down the rabbit hole of Instagram (Facebook then?), TikTok, Linkedin or reddit before right? If you don’t set a timer, or aren’t paying attention, it’s a slippery slope into researching all the Myers-Briggs types or artists from the bottom of a profile, just to see what the potential could be.
Try to not get ahead of yourself here by wondering whether your personalities will match. Maybe check how accurate your intel actually is and see if you haven’t got a Catfish on your hook. Give yourself a full free 15-20 minutes and then get on with your day.
2. Write down your demands
Learn how to multitask: you’re navigating and DJing because you are in the driver's seat! Congratulations & welcome to single life. It’s easy to get lost, or go down the wrong street of tall and handsome without words. What is it you actually set out for? And how much effort or at least information did you put on your profile? The bare minimum is not going to cut it anymore, so try to set some ground rules or at least get out what you put in, we’ve evolved snapchat, use your words. Now, there is nothing wrong with high standards, but if it doesn’t fit on a post-it, you might need to start smaller.
3.Check your filters, avoid the biggest red flag
Are you checking the fuel in your car? Well, you should. Not sure where the car metaphors keep coming from, but let’s keep it simple: no navigation? You could end up anywhere. The exciting prospect of ‘the world’s your oyster’ can easily turn into Icarus and the sun. How many times are you willing to turn around or ask for new directions? If you are going somewhere specific, and you know what you want, use the basic filters to at least steer the algorithm a little. Although age usually turns out to just be a number, it can also be a bright red flag: ever matched someone who accidentally did not get their age right on their profile? This can mean two things: A. Their arithmetic skills are below par. B. Bullsht.
4. Don’t solely swipe on looks
I know, it’s a dating app, what else should you be swiping on? WORDS.
Tall and hot surely are helpful, but you can’t have a conversation with abs, and rando’s can actually help you reach the top shelf. If someone puts zero effort in their profile, you could still roll the dice, but make sure to match your expectations. Who knows, you might get blown away by great conversation skills, but don’t let the dating-potential-trap turn into your immediate blind spot.
Also, if a grownss man/woman/them can’t express themselves with words or fill in the answers for some predetermined questions, how do you expect them to start reading your mind?
5. Height should not be the determining factor
Are you having banter or feeling some common grounds? Is there a deeper layer entering the conversation? Are you thinking about your potential future? Or, are they tall?
Yes, being tall is hot, it is a nice feature, a practical component, let’s call it a bonus.
It has zero to do though, with skills. It will also not help them be a responsible grownup capable of processing and communicating emotions.
6. Remind yourself of your demands
They were there for a reason. Need a visual reminder? Write them down, keep them to the side and stay on course while swiping. You already did red flags, emotionally unavailable and regret, let’s not keep jamming that peg through the square hole. You’re worth it.
7. If all else fails, have a friend swipe for you.
Sometimes you just need a fresh pair of eyes to help you make different decisions. Getting worried about your algorithm? Maybe make it a short swipe, but now at least you’ve found your focus back, eyes on the participation prize baby.
8. Stay positive, as it's probably not going to get better
Hi, its it just me or are we having a connection?!
Ah, to be not so young anymore and buried in responsibilities… Adding dating to that list might seem like a chore, but you’re not meeting someone on your sofa without a frigging app, so you best put on a brave face and get to it. It helps to create a dating mantra: love is magic, I am ready to be loved, I am fucking tired of being alone, I need to get laid… whatever it is to help you stay motivated, you’ll survive this!
9. Actually go on a fckng date.
It’s great to do your research, really see what the market has to offer. And if you’ve managed to get yourself some half decent conversations going, or even just a tiny bit of banter, you should probably do your homework and check whatever social media they are promoting. Need a tiny catfish check? How about you actually just give them a call or go straight to facetime, get that first awkward interaction out of the way. But at a certain point there is nothing left to do, but just go on a date. Have fun!
Up Next: A short how to ‘self-love’-in-2023 nobody asked for.
